


listen before i go

by empressnakano



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Battle for Detroit Chapter (Detroit: Become Human), Connor Deserves Happiness, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), F/M, Fluff to Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, I LOVE U CONNOR, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 17:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressnakano/pseuds/empressnakano
Summary: take me to the roof top,i wanna see the world when i stop breathing,turning blue





	listen before i go

Connor prioritized everything over himself.

It didn't matter if he died countless times. It didn't matter if he was reborn over and over again. It didn't matter whether he was a deviant or not. As long as he got the mission done, he was contented. As long as he kept _you_ safe. It hurts you, knowing that he was treating himself this way, as if he were a piece of trash barreling down the empty streets of Detroit. You knew he had always been like this, way before you even came into his life. If anything, you were the only one who was giving him the validation that he truly deserves.

You were his backbone. His lifeline. Connor would give anything to keep you safe, even if it meant his life, because if he lost you, he would lose himself too.

He was your partner. Your everything. You always stuck with him from the moment you felt obligated to do so. Everywhere he went, you followed, because you knew you would follow Connor to the ends of the Earth.

You two were unstoppable together but a human and an android will always have their differences. Differences and secrets that you both yearn to uncover together, but there are just some things that are supposed to remain a secret.

Connor will prioritize your well being over everything else, which meant that he would keep every secret to himself if it meant that you wouldn't have to carry that burden.

Of course you wouldn't know. It was a secret, but you were bound to find out. It was sooner than you thought.

Connor told you not to get involved, but you were more stubborn than Hank and Connor combined. The latter couldn't convinced you so you were always there in every crime scene, in every interrogation, in every fight, in every victory. He didn't like the mere fact that you were willing to shed your own blood when he could be doing all the hard work himself, but he knew you were better than that.

There were so many things he wasn't capable of doing, and for that, he always thought you were the better half. You begged to disagree.

To you, he was perfect beyond compare, and it was true. His symmetrical face, his adorable smile, his stray tuft of hair. The way he holds you, the way he kisses you goodnight, the way he greets you in the morning.

Connor, on the other hand, thought you were ethereal. It was never just about your looks. It was about your compassion, and the way you treated him and everything else. The simplicity of your actions made him fall in love with you over and over and over again. That's all he really asked for. Perhaps that last bit was a lie. There was one more thing Connor begged for the most; it was the courage to tell you about Amanda.

Throughout the entire investigation, you were beside Connor and not once did he tell you about Amanda, and he should've talked about it sooner, because he realized you were in danger.

There you stood, hand and hand with Connor on top of the stage. Before you stood hundreds of androids. He had walked a few steps forward to deliver a speech under your recommendation, but he was quivering. Not because of the cold, _no_ , but because of his thoughts. You were too fascinated by the sight before you to notice Connor dilemma. The snow is pretty, you thought. When you were preoccupied, everything around you blurred out. From the corner of your eye, Connor reached for something.

_...A gun?_

"Connor?" You called out, in the soft tone he had grown to love so much.

He didn't respond, and slowly but surely, the gun was now underneath his chin.

Panic.

Panic.

Panic.

"Connor, sweetie, what are you doing?" All of these negative emotions piled up all at once. It was showing. You stepped forward.

His voice came out rough, as if he had been crying for hours.

" _I'm sorry_."

You had no idea what was going on and it was freaking you out, but your first instinct was to reach out to him, like it was habitual. To hold Connor in your arms and keep the gun away from his reach. To kiss his lips and his forehead and his nose and tell him that everything was alright, because you would always be there for him.

_Bang!_

There was nothing but ringing in your eyes. You couldn't hear the background noises, or your sobs or the thud of Connor's body when you crashed into him before he made contact with the ground. You cradled him, whispering pointless words, as if they would bring him back.

Connor prioritized your well being over everything else, which meant that he kept every secret that he thought would bring harm to you. The worst part of all of this is that you will never know why he shot himself. And that was it. All because of _one secret_.

Connor didn't understand what love was, or at least, the way humans see love. He made his own version, which wasn't that far off from the original. To him, love was being selfish and selfless at the same time.

Selfish by yearning for your attention, your touch, your love, by showing that he was vulnerable through all his secrets and flaws, like a real human.

Selfless by giving you the life that you deserved but one he couldn't give you.

**Author's Note:**

> i saw this edit of connor's suicide scene after the android march, and the song was listen before i go by billie eilish. it made me weep. i can't stop watching it. i just had to write something. ANYTHING.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BwfjLeZlxq3/


End file.
